It was bad enough that Podge had to deal with a smarmy git presenter along with 2 stupid smelly smug aliens, but he really could have done without an interfering fucking dog. Or, to be more precise, a zog. Zuppy, infernal blue and pink pet of the aliens, had been a present from their planet, Zog. Apart from chasing cats and barking in an annoyingly high-pitched voice, the zog was good for fuck all. Except whilst rummaging in the rubbish the very next day, he came across a pile of letters. Upon inspection, his masters found them to be the Christmas Letters from Zig, Michael Michaelson, Peter Peterson and all the other dwellers of Celebrity Square. Recognising the scale of the disaster, the 3 took it upon themselves to travel to The North Pole, deliver the letters to Santa himself, and thus save Christmas in a blaze of brilliance. A mere setback to Podge, who was waiting for the interfering clowns in the snow.....

Almost equaling his first Christmas deviance in terms of brilliance, ingenuity and disruption was his gatecrashing appearance on the Den Is Ten celebrations. The show was commemorating 10 years of broadcasting, and hence organised a massive shindig, where they shipped in loads of screaming childer, all the characters that had appeared over the years, and some of their more special guests. Security was tight, for fear of Podge showing up and wrecking things for everyone. As if security was going to make a difference....

With Rodge by now firmly on board, Podge could attempt even more dramatic and daring feats. The following Christmas (1996), the Den crew threw a party in Dustin's grand-uncle's Cranberry Lodge, inviting Zig and Zag over from England, pop group O.T.T., and all the regulars from Den T.V. The perfect opportunity to spoil another Christmas, in other words.

Amongst Podge and Rodge's preparation was to switch the crackers for their own brand, complete with cruel jokes guaranteed to disturb the party - what do you get if you cross Dustin with a fox? A fox. The 2 boys were outdoors, watching the festivities, and began their abductions with the infernal Zuppy. With remarkable impressions of cats ("Miaow! I'm a cat! Miaowww!!!"), they lured the stupid dog outdoors, informed him that dogs have one life as opposed to cats who have nine, and with cries of "hasta la vista, fleabag", they clocked him. He was thrown into an old broom cupboard. O.T.T. were the next to go, with the 2 boys fooling them into believing that they were simpering screaming female fans. They got the popsters to pose for a photograph, say "disappear!", and that's exactly what they did.

Shortly afterwards, there was a knock at the door, and in walked Derek and Thelma from "Live at 5", who demanded boiled eggs, and labeled the party, the turkey, the pig etc. stupid in turn. Dustin informed them of all the goodwill and Christmas cheer at the party, to which Thelma replied "Hubaloo!" She quickly turned this to "where's the loo?". Sock Monster Sokky had been missing the musical card that his best friend Thomas had given to him, and became most excited upon suddenly hearing the tune. Thelma claimed it was the musical handbag that Derek had given to her for Christmas. Derek announced his desire for a duvet stuffed with turkey feathers, before the two disappeared as chaos ensued. Some time later, there was a load creaking in the attic. High-pitched pig Snotser, trying to crack on to pop specialist Emma, offered to go and check it out for her. Once in the attic, he found Podge in a rocking chair, shouting "creak, creak!!" with a pig's nose strapped to his face. "Who are you?" "Ah I'm Snotser, the pig thing." "Ah so am I!". Podge then asked the pig if he'd mind if his Christmas was wrecked for him. The stupid pig said "no", and tied himself up. Podge went downstairs, told them he was Snotface, and disappeared as Sokky's card began to play again in the background.

Pop specialist Emma was the next to go, as she answered a phone call from her new hair stylist, Rodriguez. (Her old stylist had apparently gone camping). He claimed that she looked like she had been dragged through a hedge backwards screaming, and proposed to come over with his mousse and gel, and to work a bit of his "hocus pocus." In the bathroom, Podge was standing in the mirror, complete with black wig, and moved according to the distressed woman who was appalled at her haggard appearance. Needless to say, it was off to the broom cupboard with her as well. Sokky then noticed his prize blue bucket floating outside by the window. He went out to retrieve it, and was whacked around the fur. Aunt Monica ran screaming into the kitchen worrying about her cake, and came back out decidedly shorter and plumper, and declared that her cake was grand. She called Dustin a "silly overstuffed goose", but quickly changing it to "oh, that anorak's looking a bit loose." Zag is enticed into the kitchen to help her with the food, and asked if he has scabies. ("I mean, he'd look well in navy.") She then turns to the turkey with a cruel tale of stuffing and seasoning, headbutts him and disappears. Next, the Easter Bunny calls to the door - "enough of that seasonal rubbish!!" Ray suggests that he has his dates mixed up - "don't tell me how to do my job!" The bunny cons Zig into giving him a hand, and he too ends up in the cupboard. Next to knock on the door are a short, plump Santa and Dudolph the (baaing) blue-nosed reindeer. ("I'm in a song"). Meanwhile, in the cupboard, Snotser produces a torch, and locates a Really Secret Escape Route. As you do. They all escape, and tell their tale. Podge and Rodge are still in the room, and shocked as the real Santa crawls out of another cupboard, thus scuppering their plans. They disappear into thin air, and curse their luck outside as the party gets into full swing once more. Artist Don Conroy then pulls up in his car, looking for the party. The two boys sense an opportunity to wreak one last piece of havoc - "we'll show you, Mr. Corduroy. We'll take the scenic route...."

Inspector : "Have you got a dog, by any chance, in the kitchen?"

Fools : "Yes, we have actually."

Inspector : "Oh really, like a dog sandwich?" (The first instance of his dogabilistic intentions...)

Fools : "No, he works in the kitchen."

Inspector : "Oh no. Oh no no no no...........I'll be around in the morning for a routine inspection."

He turned up the next day, complete with tweed jacket, overbearing wig, spectacles and clipboard. Seeing that he was not responding to bribes, the vicious turkey took to head-butting the inspector - the start of a long history of violence between the two. The inspector was having none of it - "did you just tap me on the shoulder? Right, that's it, the whole gin joint is gonna have to be closed down." And close it down he did....

His next appearance was as a moaning taxi-driver, who didn't mind the fact that his customers from No.10 Celebrity Square always seemed to be late, because it gave him an opportunity to lean in the window, and have a good old bitch about "insufferable bores" he had driven in the past, unavailable car parts etc.

1996-The first appearance of Rodge occurred after a particularly classic episode involving Podge on The Den. He showed up, without any apparent reason, and did little else besides loll around and insult all present throughout the show. The old Scent of Man whiff, along with his increasingly rude behaviour eventually gave him away, and the crew had surprisingly little difficulty in securing him, before settling down and waiting for the police to arrive. A lone sergeant pulled up to the treehouse with a great racket, and ensured the dwellers that he could take care of matters from there on. Despite being a dead ringer for the mirthful one bound hand and foot in the corner, the Den mob scratched their heads, wondering who it was that Sergeant Rodge reminded them of, and if he too was wearing Scent of Man. As they attempted to get on with the show, the other 2 laughed away to themselves, swapped cryptic comments, and generally behaved in a manner unsuited to an officer of the law and his prisoner. Head Honcho Ray rebuked Podge for his apparent carefree attitude towards the long arm of the law, and claimed that a spell in the slammer was just what the pup needed. With that, Sergeant Rodge hauled the cackling offender away, and sniggeringly informed the onlooking victims that they had nothing to worry about.

Some time later, Ray suspected nothing when intended rocking pop guests the Carter Twins answered "he's Brian, and I'm Declan", and minutes later "Robbie and Jack" when he asked them to introduce themselves. The fact that they could not sing, or that they also reeked of Scent of Man still didn't give the game away. It was only when the Carter Twins' manager rang the Den, to apologise for the fact that his clients wouldn't be able to make it that day, that the penny dropped. A scuffle followed, and the 2 brats escaped once more cackling and ridiculing.

And so, to connect their illustrious past with what they do now. The two reside in Ballydung Manor (phone no. Ballydung 666), which is occasionally accidentally referred to as Ballydung Asylum. It can be found just off the bypass, past Ballywank. Rumour has it that their parents left them in the asylum many years ago, and in revenge, Rodge took an axe to them both. But no bodies were ever found. Their Granny, (or a psychiatric nurse who went mad after caring for them), lives downstairs. They have a cat, Pox, who suffers from rabies, the pox, and extreme violence at the hands of its 2 owners. Their hobbies include cock fighting and exorcisms - Father Flange occasionally does special sessions. And their aim is to host a chat show when A Scare At Bedtime has run its course. (Their CV suffered no harm during a special broadcast during Telethon 98, which saw the two giving details of events in Ballydung involving dolphins and blow-holes).