Taken from the Sun, or the Star, or one of those rags.
Cheeky Network 2 stars Podge and Ridge are planning a special retirement gift for Gay Byrne when they appear on the Late Late Show.
Podge, who co-presents A Scare At Bedtime with brother Rodge, revealed : "we're going to give Gaybo a present of a gravestone."
"They're not cheap, you know. You think he'll be upset? Well maybe we'll leave one side of it blank, just put in the date he was born. "
The cheeky duo from Ballydung Manor in Co. Ring are now snapping at the heels of their stablemates Zig & Zag and Dustin the turkey, drawing over 350,000 viewers nightly to their ten-minute nightmare nightcap on Network 2.
And the duo have just released a new video called The Best Of A Scare At Bedtime. But they are afraid it may prove too much for their legions of fans.
Podge said : "The video is quite shocking, maybe people shouldn't watch it alone. It has ten stories of absolute agony and pure misery."
The Best Of A Scare At Bedtime - Volume I
The boys have compiled ten of their favourite episodes, and slapped 'em onto one handy 65 minute video. Synopses of these can be found on the episodes pages. There are 7 from season 1, and 3 from season 2 - The Stud, Black Xmas, Holiday In Hell, The Golden Arse, Carmel Sutra, Waster (originally mistakenly titled Mother & Son on the episodes page) , Diet Pill, Eggtimer, Gob, and Tropical Diseases. And check out the unseen out-takes at the end :
Podge struggling with his "fucking pipe!"
"Bastard doors" refusing to remain shut for Rodge.
Replies to concerned viewers - "bog off", "dear mother of six, buy some johnnies."
"Knock knock". "Who's there?" "Fuck off."
Qualms with props and forgetting lines.
Podge and Rodge disclaimer - we would like to point out that we accept no responsibility for utter gobsheens who turn into axe-wielding psycho zombies after viewing this presentation. And that no animals were interfered with during the making of this video.
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